Creatures (Raven x Jinx Yuri)
by AbiRainicorn
Summary: We tell ourselves to mind our own, but instead come to be sucked into others' lives, being turned into these complex monstrosities, these creatures, that are also so stunningly ethereal. Raven x Jinx yuri, lemon/fluff/lime/smut... Strong language.
1. Chapter 1- You Look Asexual

Raven's running her usual errands around Jump City. New tea, groceries, etc. Now it was time for books, because why the hell not?

She sits at the small-ish table at the bookstore, sipping herbal tea that she got from the cafe while she reads quietly. She likes the solitude and not having to talk to anyone, while still being an active member of society, except getting lost in books. She sits neatly, her legs side-by-side, feet flat on the floor. Her free hand drums the table rhythmically.

Her eyes kept straying from the pages. There's this insanely quirky girl who works at the bookstore who is putting new books on the shelves. Her hair is the craziest shade of pink that Raven's ever seen, tied up in two oddly-shaped ponytails like an anime character. It's nuts. Raven doesn't typically fancy girls who she's barely even talked to, but this girl is flat out crazy-looking. Raven likes it.

Her skin is ash grey, much like her own, and her eyes are like that of a cat's. They're pink, too. Raven wants to say that they're contact lenses, but they honestly don't look like it. She walks with a spring and does everything so slowly and neatly. Raven likes neatness. Oh, and she's wearing this freakin' _epic _purple gothic dress with these kick-ass striped stockings. It even seems like something that Raven would wear, and that's saying something.

She continues to pretend to read her book, hoping to hell that she either doesn't notice her or decides to speak for herself. She probably isn't even into chicks. Raven sighs, looking back down on the fresh pages of her book, occasionally stealing glances at this… beautiful freakin' creature. She came here for books, she thinks. But she got more, she guesses?

Thinking. Raven never stops thinking. Does she seem like she's gay? Maybe she swings both ways? Maybe she's straight as hell and Raven's just embarrassing herself thinking about it.

"That's a good book. I've read it." Holy. Shit. Her low, demure voice resonates from behind. She's standing over Raven's shoulder. When did she get over here?

"I have too. I've read a lot of the books in here." The violet-haired girl tries her best to stay deadpan. Her heart feels like it's going to explode out of her freaking chest. She even _sounds_ seductive.

"Did ya like it?" She slinks to the other side of the table, opposite Raven, resting her head in her hands and giving Raven her full attention. She seems really naive and innocent and could lure you to bed without even knowing it. She just has that effect on Raven so far.

"I wouldn't be reading it again if I didn't." The pink-haired minx doesn't relent, despite Raven's 'I'm-not-a-people-person' facade. She likely sees right through it.

"Yeah, it's great. I work here an' all, so I've probably read most of the books. You seem like the type of girl who spends all her time readin' an' crap." Raven looks up, meeting her gaze for the first time.

_Holy shit. _Her eyes are freaking amazing. Like, they're that type that could either kill you or win you over. She looks like a doll. Her lips are so small, and she's wearing this ruby lipstick that goes along incredibly with the rest of what she's wearing. Her skin is flawless. Raven can tell that she's up to something.

"I read in my free time. It's entertaining." Raven shudders when the girl leans across the table, repositioning her side bangs behind her ears to get a better look at her face. She smirks when Raven blushes, highly contrasting her pale skin. Her eyes go wide, and she laughs in response.

"Calm down. I don't bite. Only sometimes." She runs her tongue across her teeth, her eyes lidded slightly, and howls in laughter when Raven stares at her every move, her amethyst eyes glimmering. "You're shy, eh?" Raven snarls.

"Not shy. Introverted. I'd talk if I wanted to." The witch girl just hums, putting her hand on her back.

"Well, I'll leave you to your reading. I hope I didn't bother ya too much." She giggles, standing up and drifting her fingers across the table before walking away. Raven looks at her legs as she walks, springing her up energetically as she goes back to one of the boxes on the other side of the store. She seems like a gymnast or a dancer or something.

Raven looks back at her book and searches for her tea cup to find a slip of white paper, folded neatly on the table. It has the girl's name, 'Jinx,' and a neatly-written cell number across it. She almost yells out to the entire bookstore.

She looks back at Jinx, and she simply winks, bending back over.

This is going to be interesting.

{TIME SKIP}

"It was _crazy_. She did everything so slyly and was so… Just weird. In a good way. Like, quirky." Beast Boy sits in the cafe, across from Raven and drinking coffee. They'd come here after Raven had met this girl, and she just had to get some insight.

"Freakin' weird… Hey, are you gonna eat that?" He reaches across the table, touching his fingers to a piece of leftover bread laying on the table.

"No. You can eat it. But, yeah, so anyway, she was super adorable. Like, in a psychotic way. She looks like she could kill you. It was freaking awesome." He munches on the bread slice, idly listening to the conversation.

"So are you going to ask her out or what?" Raven ponders this. Her legs are crossed under the table, her hands clasped in her lap. She looks out the window to her right, watching as different cars of different shapes and sizes and colors pass by. Not one of them was remotely close to Jinx's hair color.

"She left me her number when she went to put more books up." Beast Boy chokes on his bread, sputtering and taking a sip of coffee. He's shocked as hell, but Raven's expression goes unchanged. Predictably.

"She left you her number?" He sits up, his eyes wide.

"Yeah. Her name is… Jinx. It's different." He takes another bite, thinking.

"I didn't think she was freakin' actually gay, though! Dude, you need to call her. Like, right now." Raven mulls it over.

"I dunno. I'm not good with talking on phones. It's too awkward." His tongue pokes at his teeth, trying to remove bread crusts from in between.

"Ah, man, you've got a freaking epic girl givin' you her number under her own volition who seems hella gay and you don't take the bait?" He reclines in his chair, leaning on two legs.

"I had a feeling she just likes how I look. Our personalities are practically opposite."

"You're both pretty goth, but I don't think that's why. I dunno." He shrugs nonchalantly.

"I think she's cute. It's going to take some time for me to get used to her, though." Raven's expression becomes kind of depressed as she thinks more. Beast Boy becomes sympathetic.

"You know, you don't have to keep worrying about this, Raven. Not everyone is going to be like… _her._" Raven nods, agreeing.

"I know. It's just difficult." Her happiness is quickly returned when someone arrives with her bagel. She begins to munch on it, waiting for Beast Boy to say something.

"So, she, like, works at the bookstore?" Raven sets the bagel down on her plate.

"Yeah. She was, like, putting books on the shelves and stuff. She's so tiny. Like, you could easily beat her up or something, but you really can't because she's so freaking weird. It just wouldn't be right. She's too rare." Raven's eyes squint, trying to put an image of her in her head. "It's just hard not to like her. I was flipping out and intimidated at the same time."

"Dude. You need to get to know her. You're calling her when you get home." Beast boy nudges Raven's leg from under the table, making sure she's listening.

"Yeah, yeah. Just leave it alone, grass stain. I'll do it." He throws his hands in the air, celebrating his victory.

"Like, how tiny is she?"

"Really tiny. Like, 100lbs. She looks strong though. I feel like she could hurt somebody if she wanted to." Raven takes a bite of her bagel, washing it down with her tea.

"How old does she look? Like, what if she turns out to be, like, 16 or some shit?"

"Um, maybe 21? She looks like she could pass for that old. She'd get into a bar." Beast Boy bobs his head.

"And you're 21, so that'd be cool." Beast Boy gulps down a bit of his coffee while Raven finishes her bagel. "Um," he clears his throat, "How do ya think she'd be in bed?" Raven hits the table, her eyes wide as saucers.

"…. Beast Boy, the _hell?_" She slaps him moderately from across the table. "I barely even know this chick! I don't even know if I like her yet!" He simply laughs prolifically, smiling at Raven's aggressive reaction.

"Okay, okay! Sheesh." He finishes off his coffee, waiting to see what Raven wants to do.

"Yeah. I'll call her. That's it." He claps his hands, mocking her.

"Okay. Good. You tell me how it goes, mkay?"

"Of course." Someone catches a glimpse of her, and considering Raven isn't loaded with money and lives in the crummier part of the city, people are prone to have no class. He cat calls her, and she just flips him off, taking Beast Boy and leaving the shop, walking down the street. She has a tendency to not give a shit sometimes. Other times, however, it's like anything she does will kill her.

"God, do I need to make myself look gayer?" Beast Boy chuckles, pitifully trailing behind her, trying to keep up.

"You don't even look the least bit gay, Raven." She slows down, allowing him to catch up when they come to a crosswalk.

"What? Do I look straight?" They cross the street, not bothering for the light to flash green for them. "My apartment, right?"

"You look asexual. And yeah." They round a corner, halfway there.

"How does someone look asexual? Like, nobody looks at someone and is like 'They're totally asexual.' Are there asexual clothes or some shit?" He cackles, turning down an alleyway for a shortcut, Raven registering the route change and trailing behind him now.

"Nah, you just look like the kind of person who hates everyone. Like, people wouldn't want to bother you with any romance because you'd just blast their head off." They make it to the front of the apartment complex, and Beast Boy waits, not wanting to intrude on Raven. Raven would invite him in, but she really has to pee. She stands out with him to finish the conversation.

"I don't hate _everyone, _though." She crosses her arms, leaning up against the brick wall.

"I know, I'm just saying that you look like it. You, like, never smile."

"Shut up. I do smile." She flashes a shit-eating grin that even Beast Boy is taken aback by. He looks at her for a second and then roars with laughter. It doesn't even look the least bit natural. "...See?" Her expression changes back to her usual deadpan in mere seconds.

"That's hilarious. That was so forced. Is your face sore now?" Raven just slaps him on the arm again. "God, you're so sensitive. I was fuckin' joking."

"I'm not sensitive. I just don't take your shit," she smooths out her cloak, "and I have to take a piss. I'm going to go inside and call her." He steps back, getting ready to leave her alone.

"Okay," her coughs loudly, "tell me when you have wild lesbian sex, 'kay?" Raven snarls, and Beast Boy steps back even more so she won't even have the chance to slap him. His arm is already slightly sore.

"Shut up or I'll come over there, punk-ass." He steps back more, back about 20 feet and almost back on the sidewalk, shouting.

"Whatever, you loser," he manages before he starts to turn the corner, and Raven doesn't bother to stop him, simply shaking her head and walking up several flights of shitty, littered stairs.

She gets up to her apartment, and opens the door easily because it doesn't lock. Her landlord couldn't give a shit anyway.

The inside, however, isn't that bad. She has two rooms, not that she needs both, a living room with a decent sized couch, and a small-ish kitchen. There's a window in the living room, but the view only shows her neighbor's windows, and it pisses her off to see people doing stuff and throwing parties and having sex all of the time.

One room is filled with stuff that she never unpacked from her previous apartment, and the other is actually her room, which luckily has a king sized bed, although that put her in a bit of a debt for awhile. At least she got more sleep so she could work extra hours to pay it off. And, she doesn't have a girlfriend, so she gets the whole thing to herself. Nobody tells you that it actually starts to get annoying when you share a bed with someone.

She goes to the bathroom, carefully turning on the faucet so that the handle doesn't break again, and then paces around in there for awhile. Jinx, eh?

Oh, goodness. It's been forever since she's called a girl on the phone. It scares her a little. What if she sounds stupid? What if something goes wrong?

"Pull yourself together. You're acting so cliche." Raven mumbles to herself, hastily picking up the phone and rashly dialing her number, not allowing herself time to panic.

_ring._

_ring._

_ring._

She thinks about hanging up early, but then she hears static, and someone fumbling with the phone on the other line.

"This is Jinx." Her voice sounds the same as it did in the bookstore; sultry and somewhat low.

"Um. Hey, it's that girl from the library a few days ago..." She fiddles with the hem of her cloak.

"Oh, hey! Um, I never got your name…?" Raven sits on the lidded toilet, wondering what she's even going to say to this girl.

"It's Raven. My name is Raven."

"That's kind of badass-sounding, to be honest. But, um, yeah, do ya want to, like, meet up somewhere or something?" Raven's heart is _pounding._ She hasn't felt this nervous in a while.

"Yeah, sure, sure! There's this shitty movie theater by my apartment, maybe we could meet there?" _Oh, yeah, the movie theater. Perfect move, Raven._

"Sure! Just tell me the address and when and stuff." Raven sighs audibly and reads the address from her phone.

"Saturday? Nine at night?" _This had better work for her._

"Perfect! So… it's a date?"

"...I guess it is." Jinx says bye and hangs up.

"...Thank you." Raven says softly, even though Jinx can't hear.

Hopefully this will work out somehow.


	2. Chapter 2- Your Family Died

"Um… Let's get some… Ah, Yes! Fuckin' sour patch kids. Yeah." Raven stands at the counter, ordering her shit, her excitement over food rendering her oblivious to everyone and how they react to her little fetish, so to speak. It's one of the only things that can actually make her excited. "Oh, I could go for an _Icee_ too. Yeah. Make that cherry."

"May I please have an _Icee _also? Cherry?" Jinx's small hands prop her up slightly on the counter, bouncing her legs nervously. She seems anxious, but that doesn't appear on her face or in her voice; her actions are just oddly precautious. "That'd be it for me," she utters, looking back at Raven with those freaking amazing eyes.

"How about some popcorn?" Raven doesn't smile, not quite, but her eyes have this psychotic glimmer of excitement to them. Jinx makes note of that.

"The usual, Raven?" The boy groans, pinching his nose in between his index and thumb, all aware of Raven's preoccupation. She comes here often enough for him to be unamused by her behavior.

"Uh, yeah. Only a little butter. You always put too much. And I hate soggy popcorn." The young adult rolls his grey eyes, running his fingers through his slicked back black hair before doing what he was asked, handing it over to Raven. She starts eating before she pays, and once she does, Jinx barely even has time to gather the food before Raven snatches it up and motions toward the hall. "Thanks, Dick."

"It's Richard."

"I know." She winks at him knowingly, and he steps to the edge of the counter once Jinx is turned around and starts to walk to the door.

"Good luck with her." He speaks sympathetically, and Raven's face softens a bit before Jinx calls to her at the door.

"Um, yeah. Thanks." No time for being sappy.

_Yeah, good luck._

_{TIME SKIP}_

"You seem to know a lot about this part of the city." Jinx is quieter than Raven had expected. She didn't talk much during previews, seeming too anxious to really speak up about anything. Now, the previews are almost over.

"Well, I do live here. I kind of have to if I want to get by." She nods. Much like Raven, she doesn't have much, but doesn't complain. She's sure Jinx's place is better than her own, however.

"I kind of like this place. Even if it is 'shitty,' I feel like it's got some good vibes, ya know?"

"I've got lots of memories here." Her eyes glaze over, thinking of how something so simple could hold so much meaning.

She's kind of quiet, but she still is good at socializing, especially with Raven. Raven doesn't particularly enjoy making pointless conversation with just anyone, but instead of trying to break the ice and say things for the hell of it, Jinx actually has conversations that Raven can engage in comfortably. She actually enjoys talking to her.

The movie is starting. They're running through the introduction, kind of the part where the movie has in fact started, but isn't really important to watch. Beginning credits, so to speak. Raven forces in a smirk as she watches the smaller girl humming softly to herself, drumming her fingers on the armrest and swinging her feet. Her body barely holds down the seat down. Her actions always hold a hint of playfulness, and Raven already loves her childlike naivety. However, she's still intelligent, from what Raven's observed, and can be sophisticated if she wants to be.

"So, how old are you?" The pink-haired girl breaks the silence.

"Twenty-one. What about you?" Jinx's eyes go wide, and Raven worries that she's actually sixteen, like Beast Boy had joked about. Raven holds her breath until Jinx answers.

"W-wow. You look so much younger." Raven bites her lip. "I'm twenty-two." _Thank god. Good to know I'm not getting arrested. _Raven looks at Jinx, eyebrows raised, and she nods, having heard that a lot. "You go to college?"

"I don't have money for college." Jinx replies, as expected, and takes a huge handful of popcorn, expecting Raven to continue, but it takes her a bit to catch on.

"Oh, yeah. I just don't have the time I guess. Or money. Or interest." Jinx nods again.

The movie officially starts moments later, beginning music filling the otherwise relatively scarcely-populated theater, popcorn halfway empty already. Sci-fi. It's fair to say that both girls could be seen as sci-fi fans. They look like nerdy hippie gothic people.

The movie went on for about an hour without any conversation between the two girls, and they enjoyed the lack of communication. Both of them aren't necessarily social, but doing something together, whether they talk or not, is just enough stimulation. In fact, they get so carried away in their own minds that they forgot about one another for a moment. That is, until their hands bumped together inside the small bag of popcorn, to which they both flinched and blushed, harshly ripping their hands back.

"S-sorry, I.. um…-"

"It's fine, Raven." The sound of the pink-haired girl saying her name was oddly satisfying, and she blushes, thankfully unable to be seen by her due to the lack of lighting in the place. Jinx just gazes over Raven for a second, taking in her looks, and went back to watching the movie, a playful smirk creeping up her ruby red lips. She takes out her sour patch kids.

"Want some?" She holds out the package to Raven, and Raven just looks at it for a second, searching for a good one and pulling it out. "Ah, red. Everybody loves the red ones."

"I've been a little disappointed in these things ever since they added the blue ones." Jinx nods, her face lighting up with an agreeing smile that makes Raven's heart flutter a bit, although she'd never admit it.

"Totally. They were great without them, an' I don't like 'em, so they take up all the room for the other ones." Raven furrows her brows, searching for one more, and tosses it into her mouth, lightly pushing the bag closer to Jinx. "That's kinda how it is with a lot of things."

"What do you mean?" Jinx probes the bag for a candy this time, the dimness of the theater causing strain on her eyes.

"Bad things clouding up the good things." She looks back at Raven, eyes attentive, chewing cutely on the sour patch kid.

"That's a really deep thing to pick up from a bag of sour patch kids." Raven deadpans, wondering what she's trying to get at. She rolls her heels rhythmically on the old floors of the cinema out of her nervousness.

"I'm sort of an idealist. That stuff jus' comes to me."

"Did you idealize that you'd be able to hook up with a girl from the library?" She quickly whips her head around, staring at Raven wide-eyed and smiling sheepishly. Raven doesn't take it any farther as the blush starts to creep up her cheeks.

"Well, I guess it'd have turned out the way I planned…" She faces the screen, eyes pointed toward Raven with a smirk, and Raven bites her lip, wondering how she can 'win' somehow.

"Well, yeah, you did get the girl to pay for your shit and get you into a movie for half price, so I guess you could say you lucked out." Jinx rolls her eyes, tossing another candy into her mouth and washing it down unceremoniously with her cold drink.

"Yeah, thanks for all of this, by the way. I would've taken you somewhere, but I don't really get out much." She takes another sip of her drink, as does Raven before responding.

"No, it's fine. You're pretty great, as far as I'm aware." Jinx gives off one of those cute little smiles, and Raven can't help but giggle just a bit for the first time in awhile. This date is going pretty well so far. The movie isn't that great, but they never really are, so that's not really a big issue. Jinx is creepily adorable, the popcorn isn't soggy, and nothing disgusting or awful has happened yet, which would suck.

But then Jinx's phone rings, and she has this look of sheer terror that Raven hasn't seen on anyone before. It's as if someone's calling to tell her that her family died.

Oh, _shit_.

Her face quickly goes back to normal, however, and she pulls the phone from her pocket- it turns out to be just as crappy as Raven's- and she groans loudly as she reads the number, not assigned to a contact, but she seems to know who it is anyway. She bites her lip, taking a deep breath, and hangs up on them.

"You alright?" Raven leans her elbow up against the armrest, leaning slightly over into Jinx as she does so.

"Yeah, um… Can we talk for a minute when the movie is over?" Panic washed over Raven for a bit. What could be the problem? She didn't want to walk in on someone else's problems; she had enough of her own.

"Um, is there something I should know?" Raven can see through lies; she doesn't tolerate anyone's BS. If this girl is shitting with her, she'll know it.

"It's nothing like that. Let's just watch the movie and everything will be fine, I promise."

Raven believes her. She calms down, settling back in, offering her some popcorn and holding up her deadpan facade. Though she is interested in why the main character in the movie keeps reliving the same day over and over, she can't keep her thoughts from straying.

This girl is _weird_. She seems to have things happen and be unfazed by them, as if she's moving through life and forgetting everything as she goes along. It seems like her own sort of facade though. She'd holding onto something.

She's poor, lives in the poorer part of the city, like Raven. She can tell. She's just a young-looking girl who works in a bookstore, who happens to be very gay, as far as Raven can tell, and just happens to be very interested in Raven, another young-looking girl who likes reading books, and also happens to be gay; possibly the gayest girl on the face of the earth, she tells herself. At least she can be positive of one thing.

But Jinx also happens to be not as simple as she seems, but rather like the cover to an album chock full of music from all different genres known to Man. She probably has a dark past, but so does Raven. That's not so bad.

In fact, Raven prefers women that she can relate to. She doesn't like people having to deal with her issues and residual feelings without knowing where she's coming from. It kind of sucks having to explain your whole backstory to the person you want to spend your life with. They can listen and have sympathy, but not empathy. They're very different things.

The issue is having to actually fix the issues that they're having, if they are experiencing something difficult while you're with them. Feelings can easily be transferred, and you can easily find yourself being sucked into their world like a portal into Hell. Next thing you know, they're broken, you're broken, and you have to put the pieces back together all by yourself.

Soon Raven drags herself out of her abyss of a mental tract as she realizes the movie is over and Jinx is starting to clean up the candy wrappers and such that they'd produced around their movie theater habitat. She wordlessly begins doing the same, the sound of the credits breaking the stillness of the environment while they clean, and eventually they're left sitting there in an empty movie theater with a pile of trash at their side and an awkward silence. _Perfect time to discuss what serial killer just called you, right?_ Raven thought.

"So what's up?"

"I'm just sort of anxious, I guess."

"I kind of assumed that. You seemed like it." Raven gripped the armrest, preparing to stay for awhile. It was actually a good environment for talking; private and impersonal, but Raven's mind was never a good environment for talking, and presumably, neither was Jinx's.

"Do you have anxiety?" Even the word made Raven's heart pang with a bit of strain.

"I certainly do. Just tell me what's up and I can see what I can do to help you." Raven watched as Jinx's shoulders visibly relaxed and she took a deep breath. Raven prepared for the worst, although her dilemma was probably more along the lines of 'I just started my period and need a tampon' or something. Jinx's stress was alleviated a tad at the thought of Raven being able to help her, but thinking of having to ask her made her nervous all over again.

"Um, well… I would really appreciate it i-if I could stay in your apartment tonight. It's important." She clenched her jaw into the most adorably nervous expression ever,but regardless, Raven felt yet another wave of panic burst through her nerves.

Something told her that something was up, but another thing told her that she should let her stay. She doesn't look like the kind of girl to get in trouble. She has a job, for god's sake, it's not like people are out to get her. And if Raven does get whisked off to jail, at least it'll be better than living in the bowels of Jump City.

"Um, yeah. That sounds fine." Jinx's eyes widen, as if she'd expected Raven to shit all over her right then and there.

"R-really?"

"Yep. That's fine."

"Thank you."

Raven gives her a nervous smile.

_I'm screwed._


	3. Chapter 3- Admittedly Wrong

"So, you don't have a car?" Jinx and Raven are walking back from the movie theater, their conversation after Jinx's whole panic episode being relatively calm and not suspicious whatsoever. However, that tinge of worry still lingers at the back of Raven's mind.

"Nope."

"Why's that? Don't have the money?" Raven turns the corner, waiting for Jinx, although it probably wouldn't take her long to catch up. She has acrobat legs.

"No, I do. I just don't have the money for repairs and robberies and don't feel like driving. Walking and catching cabs is easier. It's good exercise, too." They walk down the street, Raven's cloak blowing in the wind, Jinx's hair being blown around as well. Raven thinks she looks cute with her hands clasped at her front. "Do you?"

"Nope. I don't feel like getting one." She lags behind again, and Raven waits for her, unlike what she does for Beast Boy. They're almost there.

As they walk up the stairs, Jinx takes a moment to look around while Raven waits patiently, not having anything much better to do. Plus, she's tired from all of the food and the movie and the date and _everything she had to do._

By the time they're in and getting settled, it's past twelve, and both girls are tired. The pink-haired girl is still a tad anxious, as this is an entirely new place to her, with an entirely new person, and possibly an entirely new relationship. And she's sleeping over on the first date. _It's not like that, _she tells herself, but she still has that sort of adrenaline.

"You ready to go to bed? I'm tired as hell." Jinx lifts her gaze up from her lap, sitting on the couch across from Raven with her hands folded on her legs.

"Yeah, can I have a blanket, please?"

Raven's amethyst eyes widen like saucers, incredulously staring at a dumbfounded and confused Jinx.

"You think I'm going to make you sleep on the couch?" Jinx merely shrugs, huffing a bit, and Raven roars with laughter for the first time she had in… Years. That sounds accurate. "Oh my god. I would never make you sleep on this thing."

"Um, alright…"

"Come on."

Her shoulders shake lightly with residual laughter as she walks down the hall, and Jinx pauses at the spare door for a second, and Raven notices this. Jinx waits at the spare room.

"There's no bed in there." Raven sniffs, the apartment being just a tad bit too cold.

"_You _can't sleep on the couch."

"I won't."

"We're sleepin' in the same bed?" Jinx's eyes widen nervously.

Raven took her hand, leading her into the room. She pulled out two shirts and two pairs of boxers, handing half of the assortment to Jinx, and motioned to the bathroom door for Jinx to go inside and change.

"Um, thanks, Raven, I-"

"You can go change in the bathroom, I'll be in here. I'll tell you when I'm decent."

"Alright!"

Okay. Raven has just met this girl a few days ago, had a date with her, and is now going to let her sleep in her bed with her; letting her use her clothes, in fact, after she had some freak out because _someone_ called her. Suspicious. She phases out of her clothing, putting on her pajamas in place.

But this is dangerous. Dangerous, new, quick, weird… Raven's never been one for these things. She's keeping a new girl in her apartment. This is an adventure. Although this is admittedly wrong in a sense, Raven can't help but confess that she enjoys this.

"Ah… Raven?" The toilet flushes, and she hears the sink going as she's pulling the covers back neatly on her bed.

"Yes? Is something wrong?" Does she really need a tampon this time?

"Your sink handle broke."

The sink handle. The fucking sink handle.

"Alright, it breaks all the time. Thanks for telling me. Can you still turn the sink off?" Raven leans up against the closed door, listening to Jinx's soft voice through the cheap wood.

"Ah, no, I don't think I can…"

"Can you open the door?" Raven steps back a bit as Jinx turns the knob carefully, probably so as not to break that also.

"Whoa. You look _kick _in those boxers." Raven admires Jinx's willowy form in the doorway, her narrow hips barely able to hold up the boxers; the tee shirt falling mid-thigh. Jinx blushes and giggles a bit, and Raven steps past her, doing the maneuver that she'd memorized through experience on the handle to turn off the sink. "You can go get in the bed if you're ready."

"Raven, are you sure?"

"You're acting like this is my idea."

"No, no, I mean sleeping in your bed. Not staying in your apartment." Raven leans up against the doorframe. "Well, the sleeping in your bed thingy is your idea. The stayin' in your flat an' crap is my fault."

"Could we please talk about why you're staying in here in the first place?" Raven blurts.

At that statement, Jinx tenses up like a frightened cat, thinking for a moment, and then taking a breath, her normal facial expression returning.

"It's really not that important. It's just my parents." Ah! Parents. This all makes sense now.

"Let's get out of the bathroom, this room scares the shit outta me," Raven turns on her heel, "oh god, I totally did not mean to make that pun." Jinx pauses a second on the side of the bed to give Raven an unamused glare; but Raven noticed the glint of hilarity she saw. "Get in. I'm getting restless."

"Alright, thanks," Jinx utters, slipping under the covers gracefully to join Raven. "Really, thank you."

"Please, if you keep on thanking me, things are going to get really awkward." Raven shifts a bit, trying not to make things even more unusual than they are.

"This is already really awkward. Really, I could go sleep on the couch. I don't want you cramped up in the bed." Jinx turns her head, facing Raven, who's lightly pressed into her back.

Raven just blushes again, resisting the urge to make things awkward in a _different way, _and speaks softly this time. "Let's just agree that neither of us are sleeping on the couch and shut our eyes. Both of us are tired. Everything is fine."

Jinx stares at her, eyebrows furrowed, for just a moment before flashing a small grin and turning over. "Okay."

The bed is not that big. This being said, the girls have to be pretty close to one another in order to fit comfortably, and Raven can only marvel in the fact that Jinx's body molds perfectly into her front as they press closer and closer subconsciously. They're so close together that Raven can feel Jinx's heartbeat through her back, which was initially through the roof, but substantially became more normal as time progressed.

Raven focused on the little noises that Jinx made in her sleep, which took her quickly. She grunted and hummed and she twitched occasionally, and Raven had to remind herself not to giggle out loud, or else she'd wake her. The comfort of someone's warm body, radiating life and exuberance through each heartbeat through her own body made her feel as if they'd been joined somehow. This little girl that she'd squished herself up to under unusual circumstances was making her feel this sense of life and meaningness that she hadn't felt in awhile.

Somewhere in the night, they'd found their fingers intertwined; their hands being held by one another.

{TIME SKIP}

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Raven stands at the sink next to Jinx, who's changing back into the clothes she'd worn yesterday; she has work again today and doesn't have a ride, but insists that she'll be fine. She also says she'll go to her apartment and change and shower and all that crap before she works, but that is to be expected of her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a minute."

She splashes water on her face, the excess dripping off of her chin- she wipes it up with the towel piled up on the side of the counter, folding it neatly before turning to Raven, her pale skin blooming with blush as her eyes search for Raven's. "I know you flip out when I thank you, but thank you. It means a lot."

"N-no problem, Jinx." Raven herself blushes, retaining nervous eye contact. Raven tells herself that she's not a nervous person and that people can't make her feel like this, but her heart starts pumping when Jinx's eyes don't show any intention of parting her own; it starts to make her impulses harder to control. Sometimes the urge to deny your desires becomes weaker than your desire to pursue them.

Her stomach jumps to her throat for a second when Jinx takes both of her hands, pulling their bodies together. Their soft skin makes light contact, rubbing slightly, and with every shift, the threat of Raven's heart bursting becomes less and less empty.

Jinx tilts her head as the electric feeling of lips on lips causes both girls to go into a state of chaotic lust and anxiety. They remain lightly pressed together, their lips softly enveloping one anothers' as the room fills with soft gasps and hums, the two of them relying on instinct and experience to keep going.

Jinx's hand finds Raven's cheek, cupping it gently, and Raven removes her other hand from Jinx's to grasp her hip firmly, as if she's going to fall off of the edge of the earth, because this girl is kissing her and her lips are on hers and they're in her bathroom in her apartment and they're holding eachother and she's anxious and holy shit this is happening right now.

Soon enough, Jinx breaks free and both of the gothic girls are panting with pleasurable exhaustion, looking at each other with partly lidded eyes, and Raven makes note of how indescribably gorgeous Jinx looks with her hair slightly disheveled and her edgy clothes off-center. She stands there in her shock for a second, dissociating and trying to make herself register what they'd just done, and then quirks up the side of her lips, her chest still heaving. It only lasted a few seconds, but damn, was it gratifying. Neither of them had experienced a kiss like that in awhile.

"I should probably go before I have to explain to my co-workers." Jinx fumbles and steps back from Raven awkwardly. Raven scratches at her neck.

"What exactly would you say?" Raven remarks, musing to herself.

"I was makin' out with my datefriend. I guess. Sucking her face. I had preoccupations. Snuck into someone's apartment." Raven smirks, the anxiety about screwing up leaving her bit by bit.

"Okay. Just call me. Please. Because I know you're keeping something from me, and I don't know what it is, and I'm not going to ask, but you need to be safe." She spits it out all at once. _Alright, so she kisses you, and then you tell her she's shitting you? Way to go._

"W-what do ya mean?" Jinx steps back, leaning against the counter, and makes note _not _to touch the sink handle again.

"Look, it's obvious that _something's_ going on that I don't know about. You slept in my apartment on your request. I just need you to be safe, please. So call me. You can come over again later." Jinx takes another deep breath, as does Raven, these burdens slowly being revealed. Yet, they're vague.

And they're not being fixed.

"Okay. I'm sorry, I've got to go to work, thanks for letting me stay, I'm sorry to just kiss you and go like that and stuff, its just-"

"Jinx, it's fine."

"A-alright."

She waved cutely before stepping out of the bathroom and promptly exiting the apartment suite, shutting the door softly.

Raven waited a few moments to start laughing hysterically, dropping in her living room like an idiot, cracking up. Her chest ached, her abdominals searing and contracting as she inhaled and exhaled, her eyes brimming with tears… Hysterical in a mixture of confusion, happiness, shock, and, of course,

_Fear._


	4. Chapter 4- Parasite

Jinx steps into the bookstore's spare room, housing a cot, loads of old, worn books, assorted items and other stuff, a stack of her clothing and belongings, and a hell of a lot of dust. Adjoined to the room is a bathroom, far worse than Raven's. Jinx has to put toilet paper over the seat when she uses it, but it's better than not having a bathroom at all. It'd probably be better not to use the sink water, but she has hand sanitizer anyway. She'd probably not tell Raven she's a neat freak _and _a clean freak. She'd become even more neurotic about being adequate.

She double-checks that the door is locked before scampering back over to the cot in the acrobatic way that she did to Raven when they'd first met, throwing off her clothes hastily, and picking another outfit together quickly- she'll have to shower later. Maybe her co-worker, Terra, will allow her to shower at her place; it'd suck balls to have to ask Raven to stay at her place and intrude again, and that speaks volumes, because Jinx is gay. The last thing she wants to do is suck balls.

And that reminds her- she has to call Raven to let her know she made it here safely, and she's got five minutes before she has to get to work, so she searches for her phone, which she'd slightly misplaced during her conquest to dress herself in her makeshift home. She searches for Raven's contact, and luckily her parents haven't decided to cut off her phone bill in hopes that she'll decide to call them for once.

She won't, though.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello, this is Raven."

"Hey, it's Jinx, you wanted me to call." She sits on the edge of the cot, brushing dust off of her clothes.

"Yeah, yeah! Everything's okay, right? You're all good?" Raven seems to have been woken up from a nap, her voice becoming more and more awake as they speak.

"Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary happened..." Jinx and Raven both sighed simultaneously on either side of the phone.

"Did you get to your apartment and everything?"

Jinx's chest seized up at the thought of having to explain everything to Raven, her job and how she barely even has enough money to eat every night as much as they did at the movies. But she assumes that she'll just have to enjoy clinging onto another loving person for as long as she can until they find out the person she is, and then she'll have to let go of those memories, too, and take a different identity again.

"Y-yeah. I got changed an' everything. I'm at work now, just waiting until my shift and stuff…" Jinx hears shuffling outside the door, _probably customers,_ she thought, and frantically throws herself up against the door, her heart _pounding,_ needing to feel something, _right now, _for whatever reason.

"You're anxious again."

"Ah… Yes, I am…" She wipes at her forehead, glancing around the room fast and strong enough to snap her neck before sucking in a breath and drawing it out, like she was smoking a cigarette.

"Alright, Jinx. See how long you can breathe in before your lungs flip out or some shit." Raven's sheets ruffle on the other line, sitting up and focusing on Jinx's breathing.

"Like a game?" Jinx opens and closes her mouth like a fish, trying to get her jaw to stop locking.

"Yeah. Just do that, and then hold it. Breathe in, hold it, and when your lungs are all stretchy, release it, and start over."

"Haa.. Okay… Don't hang up…"

"Of course not."

She tried this, the cycle failing repeatedly when her mind would coerce her to hyperventilate, but eventually, her panic was reduced to just anxiety, and she was able to contribute to the conversation again, Raven still on the other line, now in the kitchen washing dishes. Although Jinx was three minutes past time for her shift to start, she assumed they'd understand her predicament when she returned in the state she was in.

"Thanks, Raven."

"No problem."

The pink-haired girl went back into the bathroom, looking into the clouded mirror that it provided, and wiped her dripping mascara off from under her eyes to eliminate any evidence of her mental state. "I'm over time for getting to my shift now, so I've only got a few minutes… If you've anythin' to say, please do," she said, her voice holding a hint of residual hope that only the purple-haired woman had given her for the moment.

"I can wait, you should really get working. I don't need you losing your job over me showering you with my personal issues." Raven drops a dish and hisses on the other line, picking it up and setting it carefully in the sink.

"O-okay, I guess I'll be hanging up now…"

"Hey, Jinx?"

"Yeah?" Jinx pauses for a second, attentive.

"...I mean it when I tell you to be safe."

Raven stops what she's doing, and with Jinx's hypersensitivity to listening to her, her point gets across.

"...Of course, Raven."

"Goodbye."

And with that, both phones go to static, like the same white noise that Jinx became familiar with falling asleep to when she was little; and the lines disconnect, leaving Jinx on her own again.

She tries the strategies again, dragging in her breaths slowly this time, tensing her muscles when she holds her breath, and relaxing them when she exhales. It's a hard cycle, and it's painful and difficult to do, it seems pointless, but she craves every breath, craves the way it stretches her lungs; and wishes that she could do it instead of going out into the main room, where she's met with privileged people who have money and _lives_ and things that she wants.

Jinx hates the way that these people pity her. They sit back, watching as they try to help people on the streets of her kind, who don't necessarily have things of their own; they have to take the things they're given. She hates how fortunate these people are, how they have everything they want, how much they love what they have. How she walks past these places, these shops- sees the news, the reporters talking about people and their fancy new things, their cars and houses… It disgusts her. They want to give to the poor, make them like the rich and change them, like they don't know what it's like to have _nothing. _To not know where you're going to sleep for the night. To not know when you're going to eat next. To not know if you're going to _wake up._

Yet, she needs to live like them. She needs to have money, she needs to accept their help, she needs to take what they give, because it's the only way she can ensure she'll live. She has to feed society's cycle, because humans have evolved in such a way that material things are necessary to survive, and you need to be socially appropriate, and you need to eat food at restaurants, and you need to have a job.

Jinx wants to prove that she can rebel and show the entirety of mankind that if they were to not conform to what they'd created, that they could live for the sake of themselves. They could live, love, be healthy, survive, and still have drawbacks, but not have a never-ending cycle of false happiness and repeated misery. She could be a living voice; a scream. She could scream to everyone and get it through that there is a different way that could prove to make everything better.

But for now, she had to put on an erroneous grin and hide her blatant veracity, upsetting herself further and proving to the world that she wasn't the change that they needed. It made her feel like a monster was clawing at the base of her skull like a caged, untamed and uncut beast, igniting her mind with a drive and rage that nobody has ever seen her with before. No human has ever observed the sheer profundity and complexly frightening depth of Jinx's idealism outside of what she's decided to reveal to others, and one day, she's going to use that as a weapon. For all she knows, it could hit her like a double-edged sword, something that'd land her in a padded cell.

She remembers that they're the ones who don't throw themselves against doors to feel them bruise their spines, and that they don't scream to the world that they don't need fancy homes and food to live- that they don't need to accept money when they don't have any. She tells herself that they're the insane ones, and that she's the one with the theories to everything. But how logical is that, really?

But they're the ones that throw all of her ideas away immediately, as soon as they see her state, her lack of a home, her lack of everything. Closed-minded conformists. They don't know what they're talking about. They spew out what they've heard from their masters like word vomit because they've never felt the pain of no sleep for four days, no food for six days, no home for _I forget how long, because I haven't eaten and have amnesia._

As much as we think the other option is more deranged, we're more similar than anything. We are both just as messed up, just as poor. We're just as unfortunate to think we don't need to have the things we do as we are to give up the things we have to others. We're selfish to keep what we've been blessed with, but what will it do us to give it to who needs it? Is it selfish to beg? Is it selfish to keep? What if everyone had nothing?

...What if everyone had everything?

"...Jinx, are you alright?" Jinx found herself pacing around the room, touching the walls awkwardly. She feels like someone wrapped cotton around her head. Her ribs burn like potent sunlight, spreading up her chest like a raging fire erupting in her core, reaching her face, searing her arms- "Jinx, are you-"

"I'm coming, Terra, o-one minute, I-I'm just… Ah…"

"Are you okay? Do I need to come in there?" Jinx grazes her nails over her skin, clawing at herself and over-focusing her eyes, trying to make herself sense outside her mind again, to physically wrench herself out of the dysphoria she's in so she can leave this room.

"No, no. I'm coming, sorry. Here, just-"

Jinx opens up the door, revealing the bookstore- all of the people, the effervesce and commotion, the sensory overstimulation that she needs to feel, no matter how much it burns like acid, seeping into her skull, making her want to sink her nails into her skin and let it leak out like blood from a fresh wound.

She sees a concerned Terra standing in front of her, blue eyes and perfect blonde hair, lissome, pale form and all, her face slowly conforming to a smile. Jinx's does the same, hiding the gruesome anxiety and fear underneath, screaming and spitting fire like all of the demons in Hell.

She steps into her work, Terra following behind, ready to conform to another day of feeding herself to the vicious cycle of counterfeit happiness. She hates being so readily vulnerable to this, craving the deceit of what each day promises her. Give us your life, and we'll let you survive one more day. One day, she won't have to do this anymore.

But for now, it's the only thing she can hold on to.

{TIME SKIP}

"Will that be all for you?"

She stands at the counter, her legs killing her. Is standing considered exercise? Does she have muscle definition yet? She alternates between leaning on the right, leaning on the left, bouncing on both as if she's jogging, and putting books on the shelves, having Terra handle the counter, because that way, she can kneel.

"Yes. Thank you." The brunette woman taps her hand on the counter impatiently, as if somehow tapping a table will make someone gain metahuman powers and be able to ring them up and send them home faster.

It's the hundredth copy of _Fifty Shades Of Grey _that she's sold today. At least it brings money in. However, it's probably the most annoying thing she's had to keep seeing at the counter. Heterosexual BDSM.

She rings up the woman, pressing the buttons of the machine with ease that only comes with the boredom of working it all day, and hands her back her card and the bag with the book, giving her a firm nod, and with that, she leaves the bookstore and out of her life. She decides that her legs are becoming too tired to hold her up any longer, so she walks over to the shelf, meeting Terra and flashes her a pathetic excuse for a smile.

"You alright there?" Terra says, her young voice matching her playfully raised eyebrow.

"Eh, my legs would say otherwise. Mind working the cash register for me?" Terra meets Jinx's height, standing and putting her hands to her back, stretching.

"Of course, girl. I'm here for ya." She smiles, walking over and tries to pass, but the pink-haired girl doesn't show any intention of moving. "...Is something wrong?"

"Nobody's here now, right?"

Terra froze right there.

"...Jinx, are you sure you're alright?" Jinx leans up against the bookshelf for support, appreciating that it is heavy enough not to topple over like a poorly constructed line of dominoes when they all fall out of formation.

"I'm just needing to talk." Terra's eyes widen a bit at this, knowing that Jinx isn't one to openly talk about anything.

"O-okay."

"W-well, I'm seeing a girl now." Jinx fumbles gawkily with a book that had been placed sideways on top of the rest of the books, flipping through the pages while she looks at Terra.

"And is that not a good thing?"

"It's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me, to be quite honest, and I have no freaking idea how any of that even happened or how I had the courage to ask her." She licks her index finger, separating the pages as if she's actually reading, and it gives her the sense of comfort that she gets from sitting down, flipping through a new book, smelling the new pages, feeling the paper-

"What does she look like?" Terra clasps her hands by her chest, eyes wide and vigilant.

"Purple hair, skin like mine, about as tall as me, always wears a purple cloak, in here all of the time…" Terra nearly lights up, snapping her fingers.

"I remember her."

"...Yeah." Jinx sighs, putting the book down, taking another, and repeating the process.

"Why are you so upset, then?" Terra leans up against the bookshelf also, now, taking a book as well, flipping through it, and realizing that it didn't have the same effect that it did on Jinx. She sets it back down, listening again.

"She knows nothing about me, really."

"...Oh?" Terra straightens herself, brushing out her clothes and looks around for people again, and when she detects nobody around, she begins placing books accordingly, still listening to Jinx's unusual torrent of chatter. She makes note that, although confrontational and seemingly wanting to talk, she seems very… cold. She seems like someone unattached to their emotions. A host for different feelings to breed, but not to manifest.

"I'd appreciate it if I could stay in your house again tonight. I had a date with her last night, and I had nobody to stay with, my parents tried to call again, and it was all a huge mess. Jus' one night, please, an' then I can try and find somewhere else to stay."

It felt like a layer of the cotton was removed from Jinx's head and like she could see a bit more clearly at saying that. Sometimes, although it's hard, asking for help feels relieving. In a way, although Jinx can seem vulnerable, she feels brave and responsible for asking.

But then, she hates herself for craving the treatment she gets. She can do this on her own, right? She's living now, she can live for the next five minutes, the next hour, the next day, probably the next week, and if she can make it that far, then… good. She can't possibly worry about the next year, or the next decade. Those times will just have to work out for themselves, because they're too far away for Jinx to be able to plan.

"Of course, Jinx. I've got a spare bed still."

Hearing those words pass Terra's lips made her rethink asking. She thought that maybe she should just ask Raven if she could stay over again, and if she said no, then that could be a benefit in itself, and reveal her lack of interest in Jinx in the first place. And if she says yes, she'll be able to stay with her. A good sort of double-edged sword?

"...Or do you think Raven will let me stay with her again?" Her voice was monotonous; deadpan, no inflection.

Terra's eyes widened, as if she's implying more than just a relationship. Is Raven threatening her? What the hell is going on with the bubbly, introverted, book-loving Jinx?

_Her facade is breaking._

"I think someone's walking in. Is there something you're not telling me, Jinx?" To confirm Terra's statement, the annoying, repetitive chime of metal-on-metal by the door signals someone walking in, and Terra slowly starts toward the cash register, slowly feeling… _something. _An emotion.

She thinks for a second, looking back at the door to see who's entering, but Jinx remains posed against the shelf, until a purple-haired woman taps her shoulder from behind.

She turns her head, her expression immediately being softened by this girl being here, and Raven gives her a light smile, and Jinx can only reciprocate.

"Raven! You came." Raven opens her arms, her cloak spreading out like the wings of a bat, wide and inviting. For just a moment, she allowed herself to be embraced, Raven wrapping her up in a sea of purple fabric, like an endless void of microscopic stitches.

"Well, you kind of freaked me out earlier, and I wanted to make sure that you were okay now. It seems you're doing better, yes?" Jinx unravels herself from Raven's arms, running her fingers through her pink ponytails.

"Much better, thank you." Jinx looks into Raven's eyes. Jinx brings her hand up to her own neck, drumming her nails on her skin and widening her eyes. The act was unusual, Terra mused, marveling in the way that Jinx reacted to her own touch, as if it were someone else entirely touching her. The side of her lips quirked up as she brought her other hand to take the one on her neck, wrapping the fingers around it, and holding it as if to say "_No."_

It was unlike anything Terra had ever seen before, to have someone conform to someone else's emotions like that. She went from cold, jittery and dissociative to soft and affectionate in under a few seconds, due to the sheer presence of a person. And it wasn't because she was feeling these things. It was as if her personality was latching on to emotions like a parasite and feeding off of them until they were sucked dry, leaving her cold and lucidly dangerous until she had another one to try on for size. It wasn't normal. It wasn't healthy.

It was downright _terrifying._


	5. Chapter 5- Limbs

End of shift. Finally.

Raven sits in the main area, sipping the tea she usually gets when she comes here, waiting for Jinx to finish up in the bathroom. She has no book this time, having left it at her apartment in expectation of just dropping in and leaving. She regrets not bringing it, as Terra sits across from her, strumming her fingers on the tabletop, trying to have a conversation with her.

"...Is anything wrong?" Raven deadpans, setting her mug down on the table, clearing her throat and crossing her legs.

"Not particularly. It's just… Something feels out of whack." Terra sighs, and Raven furrows her brows incredulously.

"...Um, okay?"

Terra's heart clenches with an indescribable feeling of… misunderstanding, as if this girl doesn't see her effect; what impact she has, her ability to change this girl- Her power. She sees the interest that she has in Jinx already, and she wants to tell her that Jinx is inexplicably melded into her conscience somehow, because Terra is already horrified by it. But Raven doesn't see through her eyes, and Jinx is not a leader nor a follower. She's entirely her own figure, her mind a completely separate universe. If anything, it'd only make Raven feel more positive about what's going on.

So Terra leaves the conversation at that, sitting there and observing the other girl's behavior, wondering what it really feels like to be alone in your own mind.

And that's when she realizes that we can only experience things directly, and that our own perception is the only thing we're allowed.

But Jinx herself skips through the small room in the bookstore, reaching under the cot to pick up her belongings, and she goes back to the shitty mirror to perfect her appearance again. She hoped that she wouldn't have to see this bathroom again, although she'd made herself so familiar with it. It's one of those things that you really hate seeing, really hate having, but it's there, and although it's an eyesore and pretty damn near revolting, she just… has it. It's what she'd had instead of going into the overburden of a bookshop, and although she hated it, she just had to love it also.

She accidentally brought in the spare book that she'd been messing with on the shelf earlier, so she takes that with her when she leaves the room, stepping out like she'd done that very morning after talking to Raven. Except, at the thought of asking Raven to stay over again, she doesn't feel like such a nuisance as she did before. She feels liberated at the thought of taking her things out of that room, as if she's taking her identity and eradicating it from the places she goes.

So she does just that, taking her clothing and the book, any other things she might've missed, and she starts planning out how she's going to ask Raven to stay again. She feels oddly skittish around Terra anyway. Being pressed up against Raven makes her feel closer to something more solid than the ideas floating around her mind; things like bubbles, so easily able to be destructed beneath the blunder of anything.

It's unexpected how strangers can do that to her. If Jinx wanted, she could deny Raven's help. If she wanted, she could shut her out, break off communication, and forget everything that she'd have to deal with; a whole new relationship with a new person and their problems, and Jinx doesn't need that. She doesn't need to deal with more social upkeep and having to check herself for making sure she's being appropriate. But she… craves it somehow.

She slinks past the reading area, making sure she's not seen, putting the book back where it'd been, and she then walks up behind the pair of girls again, pulling back a spare seat and sitting down.

"...Jinx, why do you have a stack of your clothing with you?" Raven says, and both girls gaze at her softly, trying not to upset her, as if she's a child and they're tricking her into trusting them.

"Raven, I need to stay with you again, is that okay?"

Terra's previously blue eyes seem to ignite with a golden fire, an unusual anger with her so easily turning down her offer to stay in her house to be with a near stranger. However, she still keeps her mouth shut.

"Yeah, but you still didn't answer my question." Raven crosses her arms, leaning back casually in the seat that the library provides. Jinx blinks her eyes a few times before answering, her voice raising just a tad in pitch.

"I wasn't expecting to go back to my apartment for awhile." She glances over at Terra, her pink eyes lit with the most untamed need, saying _just please don't tell her anything._ She guesses that the lie could have a bit of truth to it anyway, though, because she won't be going to an apartment of her own for a _very long time, _and she shouldn't be living at her work.

"Um, alright. Should we go now?" Terra nods at Jinx, as if to affirm her that her secrets are safe, and Raven takes one last swig of her tea, raising her eyebrows at Jinx.

"Yes. Yes, please."

And with that, Raven shoots an unusual glare at the equally unusually upfront Terra, taking Jinx out the door with her miniscule belongings, the chime sounding again.

They start walking out into the city, Raven's cloak being blown around by the billowing, blustery wind. Jinx's methodic, acrobatic walking proves Raven's legs difficult for keeping up, but Jinx stops occasionally to observe the sky, which allots her time.

The sky encasing the universe above them beholds the most intricate arrangement of stars; almost too many for the eyes to be able to analyze at once. They're like a dusting of freckles across the never-ending void that we call our world. It's a mesmerizing arrangement of stellar particles that just go together, that just hang there and present themselves, that just… be. No obligations, no ulterior motives, but rather, they just exist.

It's jarring to think that the sky never ends. If it were to end, it'd have to hit something solid, but then that something would have to exist inside another something, and that'd only prove that it goes on incessantly. There's never-ending possibilities for puzzles of stars and constellations and meteors and all of these spectacular things that we'll never be able to uncover in it's entirety because there's always going to be _too much_.

Yet, we make effort into discovering what we can, because the complication of it is too awe-inspiring not to study and learn and appreciate, and it'll always be like a still body of water. When there's nothing there to irritate the liquid, we don't mind it, and it's really just water that we leave there to be serene and appreciate from the outside.

But when you throw in a pebble, sending ripples into the other calm areas to uncover _more, _then you just have to see what's underneath the disruption because everything is just so _mesmerizing _when you see it, the original interest leading you to the result of it, which is more so just like another piece to more information, so much more underneath the calm veneer_. _

And the more information you accumulate, it's like catching fireflies in a jar. When you have them all in the glass container, and you see them all gliding through the humid summer air, they catch your eye, and you want to put them with the others, seal the lid, keep the light potent. Even one of the bioluminescent creatures has its own wonder, but the coalition of them all together creates an exemplary oblivion of formidable knowledge that finds itself being craved and thirsted for relentlessly.

That's what it can be like with people, too. We stumble upon other beings that usually don't have intentions of having relations with us, but somehow, we're naturally drawn to them, like spiritual gravity, much like in the planets and stars and moons. We get sucked into their world like a firefly into a jar, familiarizing ourselves with their radiance, unable to diverge ourselves from this knowing. We need the acquaintance with these people, craving more information to the story they've started, even though it'll never end. We crave their light, we crave their presence, we need to be _conscious_.

Eventually they made it back to Raven's apartment complex, and they set up the stairs, occasionally making eye contact only to return to their own thoughts. But then Jinx arrived to the door before Raven, and she stepped aside to let her unlock the door, but Raven simply stood there, furrowing her brows at the pink-haired girl before realizing something.

"Oh, yeah. It doesn't lock." Raven deadpans, motioning to the door for the smaller girl to walk in.

"...It doesn't?" Jinx tilts her head as if she needs a better angle to catch the pitch of her voice.

"Nope. Just… walk in, I guess."

And she does, taking her clothing into the small apartment she'd familiarized herself with from the last night and few minutes this morning. She takes a calculated step to the side to make room for the purple-haired girl, who walks in, closing the door and locking it out of habit. Even if it doesn't physically lock, it'll still assure her that if something were to happen, she'd have put effort into preventing it.

"Where should I put my things?" Jinx looks out of the window at all of the other apartment windows and scattered lights- the irregularity that it offered.

"Just back on the bed."

So she makes her way back there, setting the clothing and her phone down on the bed to find that she has another missed call from her parents, which she reads so it won't alert her, and she goes back into the kitchen to see this girl again, the one she hopes she'll be able to make a connection with.

_How much tea does this chick drink?_ The gothic woman heats a kettle on the stove for a cup of tea, set on the counter, tea bag dangling loosely by a string in the center. She waits for that to start to boil, treading her feet over the coarse wooden apartment floors, worn with time, over to her guest, who resides on the couch.

"Why do ya let me stay?"

"Does it matter why?" Raven crosses her legs and arms, as if she's bringing her body closer to her mind.

"Not necessarily, it's jus' weird how you let me. I mean, it's great, I'm just surprised." Jinx nestles herself further into the cushions, feeling the way that the fabric of it all rubs against her skin.

"You're just an interesting person, I guess." Raven glances over at the kettle, observing the wisps of steam escaping the spout.

"That's all of your reasoning?" Jinx sits up on the couch, alert.

"No, it's not." Raven circles her foot by the floor, her hands clasped at her lap.

"Then what is it?"

"You're persistent, aren't you?"

"Now you're not answering _my _question." Jinx's lips tug up at the corners, and Raven raises her eyebrows, the kettle starting to hiss.

"I've got to go get that."

Jinx remains as she is when Raven goes to get the kettle on the stove, scrunching up her face at the heat as the water pours into the cup. She probes the cabinet for a clear container of sugar and uses the scoop to put in just a tad, putting it back where it belongs, and she went back to her spot on the couch to meet Jinx again, blowing on the surface of the tea, causing it to ripple.

"Do you want any tea?"

"That's fine, I drank at work earlier today." Raven nods, taking a tentative sip, and wincing a bit after determining that it's not chilled enough to drink. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Raven begins, clearing her throat, "but I think you just have this… depth to you. I just feel like there are these pieces to you that you're getting over, and regardless of whether I know them or not, me being here might just help you through them."

Jinx licked her lips, bringing her hand to her neck again and tapping her fingers on it. She widened her eyes, thinking about what Raven had said, and her lips quirked up like they had in the bookstore.

"Jinx, why do you do that?"

"I like feeling it."

Raven furrowed her brows and pursed her lips, analyzing the girl's odd behavior. She's quirky and creepy and weird and that's what'd drawn her in in the first place, and that's what's keeping her here, and she just studies her as she does this, Jinx staring right at her as if she isn't drumming on her own neck.

"It's like tapping your fingers to your head, instead I tap my fingers to my neck." Raven nods again, understanding a bit better now.

"Why don't you just... well, tap your fingers to your head?"

"My pulse is right here. It's alive and real and it's great."

Raven allows herself to smirk a bit. _Quirky._

"If you ever _do _want to talk about what your situation is, you can do that, too, you know." Raven takes another sip, and it's cool enough this time.

"That's alright. Go on." Jinx gives an affirming nod and a small smile, a scattered light from one of the apartments catching her eye, the pink seeming to reflect like a mirror.

"I'm not necessarily the type of person who likes having connections with other people. I guess you could call me a lone wolf or whatever. But you just have this way about you that makes me want to… I don't know, know more about you? Have more of a connection?"

"That makes a lot of sense."

"And I can't say you object, considering you kissed me this morning."

Jinx blushes profusely.

"Nope, I guess not."

"What was that about, anyway?" Raven asks, taking a long sip of her tea to give her little guest some time to think.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure." Jinx fiddled around aimlessly with her fingers in her lap, hoping that the _goddamned lights went off, _because she was blushing _so fucking hard right now _and _holy shit she can totally tell can't she oh my dammit-_

"You alright there?"

_Shit._

"I'm fine."

"Alright, are you sure you don't want anything? I've got plenty of stuff." Raven sat up a tad, as if she wasn't going to let Jinx answer, and she was going to get her something regardless of whether she wanted it or not.

"No, no! I'm really fine." Jinx said, getting tired of her insistence, and Raven groaned in defeat.

"You're stubborn."

"Hey, that trait will come in handy someday."

"Perhaps it will, but it won't if you starve to death on my floor."

That burning acid feeling returns to Jinx again, and she has to remind herself that she's only joking before returning to the conversation fully, like she's not just a walking culmination of bubbles that can easily be crushed. She smiles again.

"I wouldn't have taken you for a hospitable person at first glance."

_You'd just blast their head off, _Raven thinks, huffing to herself.

The girls just talked on and on and on from there about nothing really in particular, enjoying one another's company, something that neither of them knew they'd be capable of doing with another person until now.

Being with a new person permits Raven's mind to linger on different subjects. Being in the company of someone like Garfield is unlike being with Jinx. She's merely on good terms with Garfield, and she obviously doesn't have any romantic attraction to him, unlike her pink-haired companion. But seeing and talking to these two distinct personalities gives her a better understanding of just how complex and interesting people can be, all the while being so very similar.

She is conscious of the fact that all three of them have difficult pasts, but Beast Boy is so laid back, social, fun-loving and endearing while Jinx is witty, anxious, uptight, dark, complex… It's said that Raven herself could be described the same way as Jinx, but she's usually able to keep herself composed.

Nonetheless, they keep finding themselves making that light more and more potent. Before, each piece of information might've seemed diluted by other obligations, but putting everything in its accumulation and seeing each other makes them see past the summer fog and humidity that clouds the lambency.

Raven would notice the way in which Jinx would stop to think before she'd answer a question, the way her eyes seemed to have some sort of phosphorescence when talking about things she is animated with, and she'd slowly acquaint herself with these little details until she realized how _human _they made her. How if she were robotic and mechanical, that she wouldn't be this zany, idiosyncratic thing with all of this mystery that she just _breathed _into the air, and that she wouldn't have a natural dark beauty to her.

So they enjoy their chatter with the occasional laugh, the occasional joke, the occasional whatever, quietly enjoying how _true _this is and how _real_ this is and how this is _now._ That Jinx is not in the spare room in the library, dragging her nails down her skin, and Raven isn't alone, brooding and curled into a ball on her bed. That they are _together, _that they are themselves- still reserved and anxious and analytical and what have you, but still blazing with indescribable brilliance, taking one another as they are, deep dark and dangerous… but it's exotically mesmeric.

Just being here, on a solid couch that's on a solid floor in a solid apartment with a real person, having a perfect conversation with a real connection. It's so undeniably true, so real. It doesn't need to be proven with nails or a door, and it doesn't feel like Jinx needs to open a wound on her neck and let it drip out. It's like another layer of the cotton is removed from her head again, and her limbs feel like her limbs, and her body feels like her body, and this situation feels like _hers. _She feels the sensation of fabric and hears Raven talking to her in that monotonous voice, sees colors and shapes that form real objects around her and smells the air, and everything is just so actual, so _genuine._

She smiles for herself this time.


	6. Chapter 6- Sinking, Drowning

The pink-haired girl has been staying with Raven for a week already since they'd talked that night.

Raven is afraid because Jinx is okay most of the time. This morning she had gone to work as usual, leaving Raven on her own. Jinx's usual spells of anxiety haven't been present as often as normal, and it seems that spending her time around Raven has made her unusually stable. It's concerning because she's unpredictable, like the waves of an ocean. You can count on them to be there, and you can count on them to be destructive, but you never know when, and you're always trapped between anticipation and the actual danger. Sometimes you just have to pretend there is no danger and just deal with it when it happens so you can enjoy the beach, and her snow white, smooth skin, and even her pink-haired sunsets.

The pink-haired girl remains like that, uncomfortably trapped like a buoy on the pounding surf while the waves push her and she can't escape or go under, because even going under would be better, even though underwater is dangerous. She just floats along, always on edge, always ready to snap like a piece of wood under a fifty-foot wave, and whenever Raven thinks it's finally going to happen and she's ready to dive right through the current and ride it out, Jinx calms.

And then Raven's left frustrated; rippling. Needing to know what is going on with this mysterious girl, what her secret is, _who _she even is. She could take her and peel her layer by layer, taking her skin and pulling, _revealing _until her scars and bones and muscles and crevices are all out for Raven to explore and take in for herself. And just to think that a human, a structure made of functions of physical things could be a universe. That Raven is potentially taking a wall off of her apartment by allowing Jinx in, exposing the universe, because she is dangerous.

But sometimes, she does go under. She just cracks, and Raven is there to comfort her and help her through whatever is happening or whatever she happens to be worrying about. And Raven is never prepared, because Jinx always, _always _appears fine. But they travel to shallower waters, and they manage.

Jinx avoids talking about her family, and Raven can respect that, although it'll become important when their relationship becomes more serious. Raven herself hasn't talked about her family to Jinx at all. They've gone on a couple more dates, and Raven has visited Jinx at her job when she can. They chat about their lives and little things about their pasts, connections they have with other people, and generally just try to forget about their current lives for a bit.

The purple-haired girl tries not to question why she's allowing another girl to live in her apartment. It's _far_ too small for the two of them, and sometimes, when Jinx is yelling and curled into a ball on the floor, Raven rubbing her back and whispering in her ear, she wishes she hadn't agreed to letting her occupy the small bed that night. It's not that this is getting old or that Raven is getting tired of attending to her needs; it's that Raven can't stand to see her suffer like that.

But Raven always comes running back to her shores. When Jinx is gone, she misses her acrobatic walking around the small apartment, her curious inspection of her belongings, and all of Jinx's little kicks. She needs the snow white skin and the pink sunsets, and even the salty waters of the ocean, deep and dark and dangerous.

They've shared the same bed. They've shared the same bed, the same kitchen, the same bathroom… Everything. It would've bothered Raven if it was anyone else, but Jinx is quiet and polite, and she puts everything back where it belongs, doesn't take anything without asking, and leaves no evidence of being anywhere. That is, except for the bathroom. The sink handle, to be exact.

Raven makes her way into that room, Jinx having gone to the bookstore long ago. She uses the bathroom, flushing the toilet nervously with paranoia that that'll break as well, and she stands by the sink and just… looks at it and _thinks _for a while.

It's so abstract, but it reminds her.

"_Rave, you alright?"_

_It should've been an easy question to answer, but it was painful for Raven to say, "I don't know, Gar."_

_And she honestly didn't. Confusion had been with her like a dog on a leash. But usually the dog pulls you around and you let it lead until you're tired and can't take it anymore, but lately, Raven's been dragging the dog, and it's allowing her to notice that there's actually a dog to deal with. Some of the confusion centering around Garfield, but not necessarily directly._

"_You know, we're best friends. You can tell me anything, as cheesy as it sounds."_

_Best friends._

_And like the dog dragging you around, there was the faucet. You always tried to forget about the faucet. It was always there, of course. You knew it was different. You knew it was faulty. But instead of doing something about it, you were just careful with it, and the gentleness got really old, and you really hated it. Eventually you avoided using it until it couldn't possibly be avoided any longer._

_Right. Best friends._

"_Beast Boy, why are we best friends?"_

_Garfield took a second to turn around on the brick stairs to Raven's apartment, looking her in the eyes. Purple eyes, slightly fearful, but he ignored that in spite of the conversation._

"_Because I love you to death, Raven. You're like my sister. I really don't know what my life would be like if I hadn't had you with me through all of this."_

_Raven looks away, brows furrowed and licking her lips in concentration._

_Eventually the faucet has to be used, and that's when it finally breaks, and you have to figure out a way to fix it. Raven tried at first, but eventually she just went back to hating it and ignoring it._

"_No. I mean, why aren't we __**dating**__?"_

_At this, Beast Boy forcibly moves Raven's head with his hands to make her face him, a serious and confused look in his eyes. He waits for a second, analyzing Raven's face, and then making himself comfortable, preparing for a long conversation._

"_Are you saying you have feelings for me, Raven?" _

_Her eyes widen; upset, and her teeth grit. She looks at him for a second; two, three, four, one hundred- and then realizes that the faucet can't be fixed if you don't know how to fix it._

"_I'm saying… Gar, I'm saying that I don't. I'm saying… If we liked each other, we'd already have kissed, I would've felt that spark when you like someone, when you try to be places that they'll be… When you try to get them to like you…"_

_She swallowed hard, gazing over his shoulders, and he shook his head, confused._

"_Why are you upset? I don't like you like that, so why is it such a big deal now? This was never a problem!" He gives her a gentle smile, but it soon fades when she becomes more upset with his ignorance to what she's getting at._

"_What I mean is... I've never felt that for a boy." Her face falls into a frown, and the tears begin to roll._

"_Raven, its fine, really! I'm sure you'll find a boy someday that you have feelings for and it'll be wonderful. Don't get yourself upset."_

_At this she becomes unnecessarily angry, frantically wiping away her tears and making Garfield look at her._

"_No, that isn't going to happen! It won't!"_

"_Raven, why are you getting yourself so worked up? Really, just calm down! I promise, you'll find a boy! It will be fine!" He grabs her shoulders, and she responds by violently shrugging him off and taking his shoulders in return. He looks at her in shock, and she bares her teeth in seriousness, staring him dead in the eye._

"_I don't want to find a boy."_

"_You'll find one." She digs her nails in. 'He's not getting it,' she thinks, but she can't formulate words strong enough to articulate her feelings._

"_No, Gar! You're not understanding… You're not understanding what I'm trying to say!" She lessens her hold, weakening, tears spilling like waves in the ocean, breaking everything; taking her._

"_Do you actually have feelings for me?" He wipes her tears, taking one of her hands in his own, and she swallows really hard, looking nervously down at her feet before returning eye contact again._

"_Garfield… No."_

"_What the hell is it? Please, I can't have this anymore." _

_..._

_She takes a breath._

…

_She takes his other hand._

_..._

"_Garfield, I'm gay."_

_..._

_And he just stares. He relaxes a bit, looking into her eyes, and she wishes she could take it back. It's stupid. _

"_W-wow. I did not know that." He bites his lip, and Raven's tears begin to roll again._

"_You probably hate me now." She lets go of his hands, and his eyes widen, her arms and legs and limbs randomly twitching out of fear from telling him, and she backs up a bit, as if she could contaminate him somehow._

"_N-no! Of course I don't! Let's talk about it!" He relaxes a bit, as does Raven, her purple locks of hair blowing gently with the early summer breeze. They sit side-by-side now, both facing the pathway, Raven desperately trying to calm her emotions._

_But what had a crush felt like? Most of the people at her school and around her would describe it as "liking" someone, feeling nervous around them, thinking they're "hot," wanting to be around them, and all this among other things. That giddiness of being around them- they were called "butterflies." And everything they did seemed to be just perfect to you, no matter how awkward it seemed to others. Wanting them to acknowledge you, trying to look for meaning behind everything they say to you, jealousy when they talk to others, fantasies circling around them…_

_Everyone had them. All of the girls at school had that one boy that they fancied, that they wouldn't shut up about, and that they were able to place this label to and talk about in this manner without hesitation. They would get together with all of their friends in the locker pods, the lunchrooms or what have you and squeal about cute boys. And Raven waited until the day that she could see it, when she could understand what these girls saw about these boys, and when she could feel these butterflies._

_One girl was different. Her name was Koriand'r, but her friends called her Starfire. Few friends. She was referred to by many different words that Raven eventually understood to be slurs, she was bullied horribly, and she was always kind to everyone but got shit in return just because she didn't like boys. Nobody believed her to be gay, but they would joke, unintentionally hurting her. Late bloomer?_

_That was until she was caught once in the girls' bathroom, the purple-haired teen being a poor bystander, kissing another girl. A pivoting moment for so many of them- Raven, Starfire, Argent, the bullies… It was when they found out that Starfire was, in fact, actually gay, they decided to make her a target for serious attacks and hate crimes as well as Argent, and Argent never spoke to Starfire out of fear that the bullying would be worse, and Raven first felt butterflies._

_When Starfire would pass in the hallway, Raven would feel a jolt of electricity run through her body, energizing her, making her nervous and excited, and she wanted to talk to her and get to know her but she just couldn't ever work up the nerve, and instead settled for waving nervously and oh my god she's looking at me and I can't breathe and I'm going to be late for class and it feels like someone's gripping my throat in a good way and IT'S A CRUSH, I KNOW IT. _

_Her red hair was exotic, the curly tresses bouncing as she walked, always with a spring to her step, and she smelled faintly of strawberries. Her emerald eyes seemed to glow, and she was incredibly thin, not unhealthily so, but due to physical activity. Her lips always seemed so soft and perfectly shaped, like Raven could just put hers right between…_

_But wait, she's a __**girl**__._

_She ignored her after that realization like the faucet. It's broken, and when something's broken and you can't fix it, what else can you do other than ignore it?_

_People noticed Garfield and Raven becoming closer and closer, also. They were practically joined at the hip nearing the end of the year. Best buds._

_People would ask them about their friendship. "You like him, don't you, Raven?"_

"_Just look how close you are! You can't spend that much time together and not be in love."_

"_You two would be so cute!"_

_And so she tried so incredibly hard to push Starfire out of her mind, instead thinking of Garfield, remembering his features, trying to make those same butterflies happen when she saw him, trying to put him in her fantasies, trying to make her feelings bigger over the whole spring break, and thought that maybe she'd be able to just grin and bear it. Date him. But really, it'd be just like friends pretending to date._

_But then she went back to school at the end of break again and saw Starfire in the hall, exchanged another one of their awkward waves, and just __**shattered**__._

_There was no way she could like a boy the way she likes this girl. It was one of the most startling realizations she'd ever had. _

_She's like Starfire. She's gay._

_And so Raven brought her thoughts back to present day again, sitting next to Garfield on the steps._

"_So you like Starfire?"_

"_Y-yes." Raven looked down at her lap, blushing, feeling the blood burn her cheeks. She started picking at her cuticles, tearing off hangnails and such._

"_I-I'm so sorry, Raven." She crosses her legs._

"_I knew you wouldn't get it."_

"_I mean, I'm sorry with what you'll have to deal with. I'm totally accepting. I want to help you with dating Starfire, even."_

_Raven turned and smiled at him._

She stood there, inspecting the faucet for awhile, forehead wrinkled in concentration, finally finding something and turning it a few times out of curiosity only to find that it actually secured the handle in place.

She cursed herself for coming up with such a deep analogy out of a sink.


	7. Chapter 7- Tattered Rose

Existence.

It'd become a problem for Jinx over the years. Everyone's personality occupies a body, and they can only perceive the world through their own visions, their own sensations; their own opinions. All of that is eventually cut off by unconsciousness, ending your ability to perceive, and there's no way to prove that anything really exists. Taking this into consideration, the world is almost… Completely yours.

She'd spend countless hours thinking about it in the spare room at the bookstore. Was there really a way to prove her existence? She could always test theories, but that'd bring her back to the insanity complex- intentionally overdose on pills, but only to nearly die- but even _that _wouldn't put herself outside of her own body. She couldn't see herself as a separate being and feel pain in a different body. Everything always felt like an illusion to her, like she was just waiting to break the fourth wall.

But if you can't feel anything except yourself, would it matter if you destroyed everything and everyone? You could end all of your miserability and cut off your consciousness, ending the only proof that you live and that you are alive and destroy everything in your wake. But what if the universe is really destroyed as soon as you are? What if you are its lifeline?

...What if everyone else obliterates when you do, all of "existence" suddenly withering into a state of oblivion?

For Jinx, it was terrifying. She only ever felt as if she was just some vague consciousness being heaved along by a mechanical body. Life was always obscure, and she dreaded sleeping, because you aren't conscious when you sleep, and she can't see while she's sleeping, and it's as close to dead as she can get, but there's no avoiding it. It's also entirely possible that she'll never wake up, and she often feels like she'll wake up and be several years older, but time is something that's never made sense to her either. Years. Months. Weeks.

Days. Every day feels like she's working for something, building up, working and adding and creating for something entirely unknown, putting forth effort into a life and into an ideal that she isn't even sure she wants for herself, only to fall asleep again into a state of unconsciousness. And while she's asleep, it's as if her progress is ripped from her, and all of it is just an illusion, and when she wakes up, she works all over again for a false goal. Then weeks pass by. Months. Years. And then, she wakes up again, and she really is several years older, and time really doesn't make sense.

Her own consciousness in the only proof that she is alive. But she must sleep. There is no way to stay awake all of the time. So she would sleep, and she would always wake up. And time would always pass, and she would always grow older. It was a dependable cycle, but it was still not to be trusted. She could still always die, because it is true that hearts will stop beating and blood will stop pumping if there is reason for that to happen. Sometimes she would close her eyes and imagine herself blind, or plug her ears and pretend she's deaf to say that even though she can't hear or see in this moment, she's still a physical being and very much alive, and that helped.

Sometimes she would imagine herself as different people. She would walk around as dirty as a wild animal, all alone on the streets, way back before she had her job, still while she left her home. She would see others walking about the streets that she occupied and try to imagine what they were seeing, what they were feeling, even what their body parts felt like on them, and what it felt like to exist. What it felt like to have the world make sense, to be carefree, to be dumb enough to not question whether or not you're just a ghost among the living. An illusion. False. A fake.

Most people wish for intelligence, but some people wish for dumbness. Jinx just wanted and wishes to be physical.

Sometimes she felt as if she kept talking and the words coming out of her mouth weren't being thought about or planned out, but she kept on spilling and oozing out words, as if there was a slime faucet of sentences that kept running absently as her mind dawdled and daydreamed. Sometimes she wouldn't even notice that she was talking, and she'd spit out words like "no," and "absolutely not," answers to mental conversations she'd been having. And the slime faucet was an especially hard faucet to fix, because slime was hard to clean up, and she'd just start leaking everywhere, blurting out stuff she didn't mean to and things of the like.

Sometimes she wants to spoon her eyes out, tear her limbs off, pick her hair out piece by piece, take a needle and thread it under her veins, ripping them out as well; disembodying herself to feel as outside as possible, but that'd only kill her. It's unusual, to feel as if you need to destroy yourself in order to feel built. It's a paradox. Everything is, and he only thing she can do is hope that she can stay numb long enough to let the paradox seem like happiness, just like the work she does every day, just like time, just like everything.

So she walks down the street as she usually does, drumming her nails on her neck and widening her eyes, breathing, feeling her breath enter and exit her lungs in the exquisite way she likes, stretching them and feeling the oxygen flow to her heart, pumping furiously; ferociously, blooming. Blooming through her veins like flowers, the pollen spreading and breeding and blooming again until she takes another breath and another step, creating this cycle of living, hoping to keep it going. And each time she becomes aware of her consciousness, it feels like she's been born again.

She passes by familiar shops in Jump City, leaving her job and hoping that Raven's left hers as well, and looks into the windows with a forlorn, empty droop to her face, something about the buildings not completely recognizable. She doesn't put effort into remembering the meaning of the places, instead letting her mind drift with its own purpose, letting it think for itself while her gaze meanders.

Her idealism takes over eventually, like it usually does, and her heart starts to feel like an animal closely representing something like a young dog during a storm, trying to claw its way out of her ribs, barking and yelping and terrified and trapped and way too big for its cage, but way too small for the world around it. She's still too unaware to realize what's going on to calm this, though, and starts losing bits of her identity as she walks, forgetting about her limbs and the pain in her joints, forgetting about her muscles and her tiredness, forgetting about her physicality that is so obviously present. She entirely becomes the anxious dog during the storm, the anxious dog being dragged around until you realize it.

But somehow the vague consciousness, the dog or the creature or what have you, does belong to a permanent, annoying, robotic body, and it ends up at Raven's apartment door. She forgets about the lock for a second, but then remembers that she doesn't need to stand and knock, and she just walks in. And Raven is sitting in the living room on the couch, sipping a cup of tea when she turns her head to meet Jinx's gaze, and Jinx closes the door, walking over to the living room and smiling, though the action seems pointless.

Raven notices that Jinx is quite thin. Quite too thin, in fact, and needs to eat more, drink more, et cetera. She had been thin when they'd first met, but Jinx has been growing thinner and thinner over time, and Raven has decided that it's enough now. Her focus is awful, she's depressed, she's overworked, and Raven can't stand to see her like this. Mental illness is enough, and physical atrophy can't do anything good for the mind. She makes note to add more to her diet.

It seems like taking care of this girl has brought her closer to her than she could ever be with anyone. She cares for her health, mental and physical, makes sure she gets home, and Raven still sleeps with Jinx's back fit perfectly into her front every night. That's just one of many words that she could use to describe their relationship, as close to romantic as it gets- perfect, like how something fits into something else, and it feels satisfyingly right at first.

Satisfyingly right. And Raven looks across to Jinx, taking her in, and consciously remembering for the first time in awhile that Jinx isn't just some girl she took in, and is definitely more than just friends with her. She watches the way she drums her fingers on her neck again, the odd, weird and wonderful way she widens her eyes in the way that she likes, and she feels her heart turn over and her blood rushes to her cheeks. It's one of the most right, correct things she's ever felt.

She doesn't feel fixed. She feels like there was nothing to fix in the first place, and that she just needed to understand her dissimilarity.

Raven feels that they're equal, despite the work that she puts in. They both have mental issues to work through together, and they both have conversations that are equally difficult, and both of them are equally hard to break through and get to know.

Raven still doesn't know much about Jinx's background or family. Does she even have a family? People are not what they seem, after all. Jinx could be lying about her parents calling. She could've lied about having a home and just needing a temporary place to stay while she made amends with the people she lived with, and she could've lied about _everything_ to cover up her identity.

And Raven is a nice person, but being a soft-ass to this girl constantly could get them killed. If she doesn't dig into "Jinx," and not just the girl she met at the library, they aren't going to get anywhere.

The tattered girl ends up sitting on the couch, expecting Raven to want to engage in conversation.

"What am I to you?"

...And she does.

"...What do you mean, Raven?" Jinx shifts, playing with a lock of hair that managed to find its way out of her ponytails.

"I can't tell if I'm here to support you financially, be your caretaker, be your girlfriend, or all three. I don't know your living situation when you're not curled up and pressed to me, I don't know if you have a family, I don't know if our whole romance thing is just a front for you to live under my roof. Hell, I don't know why you're even here!"

Jinx pulls her legs up to her chest, trying to keep her existential crisis off of her mind. She watches as Raven panics, Raven trying to keep her front, and she starts panicking a bit as well.

"Is tonight not a good night for me to stay?... Because I could always go to Terra's, or-"

"No, sorry. I'm overreacting. Just... Tell me... About you." Raven took a few deep breaths, quickly calming herself.

Jinx sat up straight, crossing her legs by her chest and gripping the edge of the chair. "What do you mean? What do you want to know about me?"

Raven and the pinknette locked eyes as Raven bit her lip. Raven wanted to know all of Jinx. Her past, her present... And she wanted to know her body, what it looked like underneath all of the clothes.

But of course, she needs to know more about Jinx before they get that far. So she replied.

"Everything."

And Jinx froze.

"Do you want to hear the truth, or the sugar coated version?" She bared her pearly teeth in a sympathetic expression.

"Truth."

"You sure?"

"Look. The quicker you tell me, the less time we waste." Raven sat back, getting comfortable.

"Okay. The shortened version is that I d-don't actually have contact with my parents... And I think I've been in l-love with you?"

That's when Raven's heart felt tight, as if she had to hold her chest to keep anything from happening to it- she didn't know what.

"What else, because I know that's not it?"

Jinx closed her eyes, breathing in through her nose and biting her own lip. She can't lose Raven. She felt the tears. This was inevitable, but she never thought it'd come to this day. But it's here.

"I don't have a home. I've been living at my work." Jinx couldn't bring herself to open her eyes.

"A-are you serious?" Raven sat up a little.

"Y-yes." Jinx's first tear started to roll down her cheek.

"Anything else?" Raven looks down at her lap, trying not to upset her further.

"Are you going to kick me out?"

"I don't think you're ever leaving here." Raven's voice is steady and clear, and Jinx stands up, slowly walking towards Raven.

"Why do you care about me so much?" Jinx looks down at Raven, who looks up at Jinx in the dimly-lit apartment living room, scanning each other's faces with some sort of burning desire that neither of them can identify.

"I just do. I don't know exactly why, but I want more of you, and I want you to be okay, and taking care of you has made me realize that I love you, and-"

"Raven, can I kiss you?"

They just looked at each other for awhile, their eyes widened and dilated because of the darkness and their lust, and they could hear each other's breathing; and then Raven stood up, pulling their bodies together, and their lips collided.

It started off strong and steady, lips and saliva and warmth and the occasional teeth clanking due to how forceful they were, but soon that died down into them feeling up and down each other's backs, their lips smacking lightly and slowly and rhythmically, their bodies molding perfectly together.

Raven would occasionally catch Jinx's lower lip in between her teeth, suckling gently, causing the smaller girl to moan and whimper a tiny bit; And soon after that, Jinx cautiously slid her tongue under Raven's in between biting, and they got into the momentum of swirling their tongues in different patterns in between their parted lips. It was a perfect dynamic.

They'd part occasionally, panting out of excitement rather than lack of air, and press their foreheads together as their eyes met before going in for another round, the smacking sounds and ruffling of clothing filling the room.

It was a mixture of bliss and pure, unadulterated torture.

But it was all the confirmation that Raven needed to know that they were off to a pretty great start.


	8. Chapter 8- Painting The Roses Red

¨Garfield? Garfield, are you there?¨

¨Yes, Raven. Yes, I'm here. What's wrong? Are you okay?¨

Raven lay shaking, naked in her dry bathtub, sweat flattening her bangs against her forehead, neck and the sides of her face. She swallowed liquid anxiety and breathed dense air, flooding her lungs as her skin erupted and itched over her bones.

¨Raven, are you there? It's early in the morning, what do you need?¨

Someone inconveniently screwed her jaw shut, disabling her ability to talk. Her ligaments tightened and she felt as if she was going to wet herself, fluids oozing out from all of her orifices.

¨Okay, Raven. I'll do a game with you. Make a sound if yes, stay silent for no. Got it?¨ Garfield rubbed the melatonin from his eyes and stretched the sleep from his joints, knowing of Raven's need for him.

Raven hummed through her teeth.

¨Alright. Good girl. Are you in your house right now?¨ Garfield sat up on his bed on the other line, putting on pajama pants in case he needed to come over.

¨Hhhmn.¨ Raven slipped farther into the tub, her grip on the phone tightening as she tried to get the wind knocked back into her.

¨Okay. Is anyone with you?¨ He flips on a light, squinting while his eyes adjust.

She doesn't respond, merely dragging her fingers up her legs in fetal position, feeling the cold alabaster tub underneath her skeleton.

¨Alright, are you injured?¨

She presses on her stomach. ¨B-bathhhh.¨

¨You're in your bath?¨ He leans up against his apartment door exit, waiting to see if he needs to leave.

¨Hmmnn.¨ She looks up at the stained ceiling, the taste and feeling of her dry mouth traveling down her throat and into her stomach like cough syrup. The whistling of her AC fills the background when Garfield isn't talking.

¨Did you hurt yourself?¨

Tears roll down her square cheekbones and cut through her skin like razors, blistering and dripping blood all down her body and staining her mind and her entire world like the ceiling.

¨Starfire did.¨

Her light sobbing reverberates around the bathroom, and she clutches onto the shower curtains for dear life.

¨Again? When was this?¨

¨A year ago.¨ Her voice is high and lilted, and fades off to a light whisper when her lungs run out of enough air to speak.

¨I know this, Raven. Why are you crying now?¨

¨Because it's all my fault.¨

¨No it's not.¨ He opens the door, grabbing his keys and locking the door on the other side. He needs to go over there when she gets like this.

¨Yes it is. If I would have never let her into my life, never would have trusted..¨ She pauses to take a deep, stuttering breath- ¨h-her, if I wouldn't have fallen in love with her, t-then she wouldn't have..¨

¨Rave, I'm coming over there. I'll be there soon.¨

¨I'm naked.¨ She sniffled on the other side of the line, draping her arm over the edge of the bathtub and letting her tears burn the stone of the floor instead as she hopelessly started attempting to fling herself on the floor.

¨Why aren't you clothed?¨

¨It was burning me.¨ She grabbed her blanket off of the floor, covering just her breasts and lower torso as she reaches for the cabinet under the sink, popping a migraine pill and swallowing it dry. It feels like a bullet's traveling down her throat.

¨What was burning you?¨ Garfield exits his apartment, running down the stairs of his apartment and undoing the lock for his bicycle. He hops on and starts down the dimly-lit city street, avoiding alleyways and bands of people, watches as he passes bars that mark his way to Raven's apartment- and makes sure to flip the bird past Starfire's house.

¨Garfield, they're like rust and iron in between my bones, and on my skin, and in my veins, and they sting like acid and poison and bleed out through my body–¨

¨What does?¨ By the time he reaches the halfway mark, she responds.

¨The emotions. The words. Her.¨

¨I know. I know. I know.¨ He rounds a corner, nearly hitting the curb, but manages to keep on the street, phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder.

¨She was right, Garfield.¨ Raven grabs the counter, hoisting herself up as she ties the bottom of the blanket around her waist and looks in the mirror.

¨No she wasn't.¨

She stares at every feature. She's pale from hyperventilating, her pupils dilated severely and her chest heaving. She could brew millions of cups of tea with the bags under her eyes. Her face is puffy and glazed with sweat, her nose is red from blowing it, the tissues littering the floor, stringy, thread-like veins are visible from her eyes, red and prominent. Hair disheveled and wet, purple as always. She is dying roses and she is anxiety, and she is bitter tea and frayed fabric and stained walls.

¨I'm disgusting and it's my fault.¨

Garfield comes in the room before Raven can do anything, looking around the room to make sure everything is okay and his eyes stop on the mirror, noticing scrawled out letters that he assumed Raven wrote before he embraces her and allows her to burn him, if only it makes her take less of the weight.

¨It is not your fault.¨ She collapses back down to the ground, the blanket barely staying up, and he clutches her and falls down, too, as she sobs in his neck.

¨Yes it is. She said it was. I am not even supposed to exist!¨

¨None of that is true!¨ Garfield raises his voice, silencing her. Her tears and sweat wet his nightshirt as her unadulterated shakes ride through her body like shockwaves.

¨Garfield.¨

¨Yes?¨

¨Why isn't it the truth?¨

He pauses for a moment, letting her calm. He is envelopes sealed with heart stickers and the first robin you see in autumn, and he is earth's original soil and he is the beginning, and Raven is the ending and she can feel the ache rising up her ribs and into her extremities as she realizes her lack of worth.

¨I'm going to take you to your room and tell you a story.¨ He motions for her to stand up and the blanket almost falls off and she feels like she can't keep anything together and she's crying more and–

He notices the mirror.

All of the things she wrote.

¨Welcome to hell.¨

¨It's all my fault.¨

Tons of profanity in permanent marker.

She finally stands up to look in the mirror again, and he turns around- tearful- grips her shoulders.

¨None of this is true.¨

¨Is that all you're going to tell me? T-that it's not my fault? That I'm a liar and Star was a liar and everyone is a liar and I can't trust ANYBODY?¨

¨No! You won't fucking listen!¨

She tries to grab his arm as he reaches to scrub off the words from the mirror, but she doesn't have the strength and he loses his footing, grabbing the sink handle and breaking it. Raven yells as he disregards the handle, revving his arm back into a clenched fist-

And he shatters the mirror to pieces,

the words shattering

all over

the floor

into silvery minnows, thousands of versions of Gar and Raven

that look back up at them like phantoms as they become coated with salty tears and liquid crimson regret.

¨Ffffffuck.¨ He cradles his bleeding fist with his other hand like a wounded soldier, trying to stop the bleeding while Raven ducks under the counter for a bandage, successfully avoiding the shards of glass that litter the floor.

¨Garfield, are you okay?¨

¨I'm fine, you're not. we need to get you to your room.¨

She shivers now, the temperature of the bathroom finally catching up to her. Her Sylvie Vartan haircut is all out of place and cold and sweaty. But she's too hysterical to bathe.

¨What do you want me to do?¨

He wrapped his hand up in the span of five minutes, ignored the bloody, glass-coated floor, and took Raven to her room, getting her settled into a pair of pajamas.

Neither of them care that she was completely nude, that her bare 115-lb body laid exposed for the world, her ashy-grey skin covering her bones and muscles as they panic underneath.

She was a woman by law. Her age said so. And if that wasn't enough, so did the way her hips curved around her thighs and to her stomach, toned and taut. So did the bend of her back, leading to her shoulderblades and tight arms. As well as the slope of her breasts, the weight of them dropped down her ribcage, and her constant need to upkeep her grooming in order to stay spotless of hair on all places where hair is not necessary.

Everything about her body spoke of how much of an evolutionary, growing being she was. She was poetry- an ever-glowing enigma. The way one joint met another prepared the most eloquent greeting.

But in that moment, her vulnerability left her feeling like a little girl.

The pajamas and underwear that Garfield laid out for her covered up some of the hurt and hid some of the shame, and wordlessly, they cuddled up to the bed, just as they did when they were younger.

This was normal. No awkwardness was ever experienced by the two when they held each other- being in such a poor environment demanded that they be this close at times, and Raven was secretly grateful for that. Garfield was like her family, and she didn't want him drifting away.

They face each other, and he can smell the stagnant air that Raven breathes on him- she smells like medicine and heat and laundry detergent.

¨You're not a monster.¨

¨She told me that.¨ Another tear rolls down her cheek.

Thinking about Starfire reminds her of when she trusted her to open the latch on her ribcage, letting her heart fly away like a bird, and Star shot it. Raven vividly remembers watching the dead organ tumble to the ground, painting her white roses red with blood like a dystopian Alice In Wonderland. She collapsed on the ground, crushing more flowers while the executioner walked away, the blood flooding Raven's eyes until everything went black forever.

¨Let me tell you the story.¨ He plays with the hem on his shirt.

She takes a breath and nods.


	9. Chapter 9- Untamed and Uncut

¨Like a bedtime story?¨ She reverts back to a childlike state, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand clumsily.

¨A grown-up bedtime story.¨

¨Okay.¨

She settles, and the black starts to fade away a little.

¨Once upon a time, a very, very long time ago, this thing called the Universe was created. We're not exactly sure how, whether it was divine intervention or the big bang, but we're here.

¨All of these intricate things were in place as a result of existence. Originals. The purest forms of all life were a result of the original Universe- the original soil, the original flowers, the original sunsets- all untouched and untamed and uncut.¨

¨No humans?¨ Her weak voice peeped up from the mattress.

¨No humans.¨

¨Sounds great.¨ They laugh a little. Bittersweet.

¨The world existed without judgement and without mistakes. Everything was absolute and perfect- nothing was a fault, because it couldn't be labeled as such. Theory and religion didn't exist. Only the sunsets and crystalline rocks and clear rivers.

¨And then the humans came in.¨

¨Well, fuck.¨ Raven looked serious. Garfield laughed.

¨Just listen, it'll be good.¨

¨Okay.¨ She sniffles.

¨They came in and were originals, too. They came from the rocks and the soil and the rivers. Of course they did- there is nothing that is not the universe. They came from the purity. They were without judgement and without fault because that was how they were created. There are absolutely no mistakes.

¨So, of course, at first, they never questioned the universe. It existed, they existed, and they just had to figure out the ins and outs of life and navigate everything. They appreciated and lived.¨

She snuggled in, getting more comfortable and increasingly more calm.

¨They didn't have time to form opinions. Everything was technical and progressive. Anything that they did was in terms of survival.

¨But then they started coming up with theories. How they got here. What the meaning is. Why there is progression. And people disagreed. There was disruption. Were sunsets really sunsets, or just muddy clouds?

¨By judging the universe, they were judging themselves. The world seemed dark and uninhabitable. They couldn't live with themselves because they couldn't live within the world.¨

¨Gar, this sounds awful,¨ Raven says, her voice muffled by the blankets.

¨Just wait.¨

¨Alright.¨

¨Everything became judgemental. An analogy- people used spoons. And people used spoons to eat soup, thought that spoons were the only way to eat soup. Judged people who didn't use spoons. Hurt them. Killed them, even.

¨There was no way to guarantee that you ended up eating soup with a spoon. Some people inherently ended up with forks or other utensils, and even though those ways of life still worked, though non-traditional- they were still mistreated because it was different, and most spoon-users thought that something must be wrong with them because of that.

¨Eventually, though, the people became simpler. Most accepted the forks and the knives because they realized that those things were okay, that they still got the job done. You can scoop out the noodles with the fork and tilt the bowl to drink the broth. People focused on this one area. Everyone was set on progressing the use of eating just soup- what utensils can we use? How can people be useful for this purpose?

¨People could invent their own things. People could be innovative and were born with the ability to enhance the quality of life for others and to create and contribute. There became a system of feedback. You give input, it circulates, you get feedback.

¨But others were inherently viewed as useless. Spoons without the end- a stick. Good-for-nothings.¨

¨Oh. Gar, this is really bad.¨

¨Raven.¨

¨…Sorry.¨

¨These people who viewed the others as sticks and good-for-nothings forgot about the universe. They forgot about how everything is good for something. That everyone is a product of the original creation of the existence of everything- we're just existing on a different timeline. We're literally the universe because we all exist.

¨They soon found that their horizons needed to be broadened, too. There was more out there to eat than just soup, and more than just spoons to eat foods with. The people who were out there that they viewed as good-for-nothings turned out to have chopsticks, and that opened up a world of possibilities.

¨People remembered soon enough, with trouble, that they had the universe within them. That they were stars and sunsets and things like that. Purities that had to filter out judgement; stop looking at the world with a clouded lens.

¨People sometimes thought that they were rocks. But that made sense, too. Being a star and coming out on top all the time can hurt because heat rises. And there will be people who find you and uncover you in your beauty; and gemstones are beautiful."

He kissed her forehead.

"You're beautiful, Raven."

"I believe I'm a rock." She smiled out of the corner of the bed.

"A geode. Priceless." He makes sure she's tucked in.

"But it still hurts."

"I know, Raven."

Eventually she closed her eyes

And allowed the universe

To take her

Into its vice-like grip.

…

…

…

"Raven… I'm so sorry. I don't know what I can do to help." Jinx sits at the far end of the couch, listening to Raven's story as she tries to keep herself together.

Raven just told her that she worried about her ex girlfriend a lot, that Garfield was there to help her a lot, and that she doubts her self-worth. The details were to be spared. She needn't worry the pinknette.

"It's over with now. Nothing left to do but deal with the future." She puts her arm around Jinx.

"So why do you feel the need to help me when you already have so much on your plate?" She snuggles closer to her girlfriend, sharing warmth.

"Because I know what it feels like to suffer. I'm empathic. I can't let that take over you." She kisses the top of Jinx's head, pulling the small girl's legs up over her own. She seems to get smaller by the day.

"I had an abusive ex once, too. She blamed everything on me and was manipulative."

"Sounds like mine." Raven turns down the volume on the TV, so as not to overpower Jinx's voice.

"Terra is so paranoid about me being with the wrong person now. And I know where she's coming from, trying to protect me and all, but she acts like I'm some sort of little girl who needs to be protected." Jinx rests her head on Raven's shoulder.

"Are you two close?"

"We used to be closer. But I used to live with her, you see. And now that I'm with you, we don't have nearly as much time to talk."

"Did you two date?" Raven thinks for a second, thinking that Terra is the ex that Jinx is talking about.

"Nah. She's straight as an arrow. But we were good friends. Still are." She shifts.

"She seems very protective of you."

"She is. And her house is freakin' HUGE. Like. Giant. No joke." Raven giggles at Jinx's explanation.

"Do you talk to anyone else?"

"I talk to you," she says, tapping Raven's shoulder.

"Duh, but don't you have connections? Any other people?"

"I had my ex, but I don't even like saying her name," she says, circling Raven's back with her fingers, "Terra, and… That's really it."

"Hey, Jinx?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a question for you."

"Okay?"

"Why won't you tell me your last name?"

Jinx hesitates for a moment.

"I think it's a derivative from my family. I don't want anything to do with them."

"Now you have me."

"Yepyep! Most definitely."

They watched old Netflix reruns for much of the night, anxiety and past traumatic events revolving around Raven's head while she tried forcing them out. It seemed that the littler girl had that effect on her.

But Jinx was worth it. Her Jinx.

Even though Jinx was a paradox, a whole lot of work, and might leave her in more trouble than she started with.

Hers.


End file.
